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Intimacy, meaning close connection, can be used to describe your relationship to yourself and to others. When you experience a trauma, these connections are often disrupted, and negative beliefs can occur.
Difficulty with self-intimacy can show up as changes in your ability to soothe or calm yourself. You may be afraid of being alone, and feelings of emptiness may follow. Another normal disruption to self-intimacy following trauma could be a change in your use of comforts such as food, sex, alcohol, substances, and shopping. You may feel intense needs for contact from others, and make demands in your relationships. Difficulty with other-intimacy could feel like almost constant loneliness, even while in company. Again you may feel empty, and isolated. Formerly stable and supportive relationships may seem insufficient, and true connection may feel absent. If you have been safe up until the trauma(s), this shock can feel devastating. The effect may be that you lose hope and have no sense of being able to cope. Your world may look changed forever. If you have historical trauma in addition to newer events, you may find your beliefs about intimacy are confirmed: you are alone, and no one- including yourself- can help you to improve your quality of life. It is possible to regain self-intimacy, and other-intimacy, in a healthy way. In terms of addressing self-intimacy issues, tell yourself:
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Daniel Siegel shares his practices, influenced by Mindfulness stress-reduction techniques, one of which I particularly like for emotional self-management. It's called COAL.
COAL is a tool which allows us to interrupt our emotional arousal cycles, pause problematic beliefs, and provide ourselves with compassionate reflection. COAL stands for: Curiosity Openness Acceptance and Love The next time you have an emotional reaction that you would like to engage mindfully, notice it. Be Curious and name what the reaction is. What it's about. Next be Open to experiencing it, rather than chasing it away with other thoughts. Then Accept the reaction that's happening in you in the moment, and give yourself a feeling of Love. Try this emotional self-management practice for a day or a week. Journal about what it's like for you, talk with a friend about it, or let me know how it goes. How does this sentence end for you?
The course of my life was altered when I decided to ______________________. How would you finish this sentence?
When I am feeling down, I'd like the people in my life to ________________________ Daytox: A wonderful compliment to individual therapy for alcohol and substance use treatment3/16/2016 The Vancouver Coastal Health authority has been quietly running a fabulous free alcohol and substance use treatment service- Daytox- since 2002 in Vancouver's Mount Pleasant neighbourhood.
Daytox is an 'outpatient,' meaning non-residential, service designed to help people to work on making changes in their alcohol and substance use. This model is especially beneficial for individuals wanting to maintain the major time commitments of their life- school, work et cetera- while working on their substance and alcohol use goals. The program offers withdrawal management, case management and group interventions for clients, and there are a variety of choices available. The service boasts groups with both harm-reduction and abstinence-based approaches, and is a wonderful treatment as a compliment to individual therapy. Daytox groups include: Medical acupuncture for addiction Mindfulness Meditation SMART Recovery ...and more! Call 604-585-5610 for information about intake and services available. Ask me how Daytox can be part of your bigger treatment plan. |
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